A few years ago I would wake up, startled, at 2 or 3 am, petrified and unable to sleep. “Where am I? How did I get here?” Very often only the sound of the crashing waves would diminish the war raging in my head. So I would get into my car, listen to music and just stare at the waves… Right now it’s almost 4 am. I can hear my daughter snoring and see my cats sleeping blissfully, all huddled together. The thought that rumbles through my mind is a completely new one, “Man! I am glad I got here..”
Over the last three years I discovered that Love is so much more than a chain one links to a single person or experience. Love came to me in so many different forms and nudged me awake. Some times friends would drop in..or I would be gifted with music, a love letter from my four year old godson or an especially filthy joke from my daughter. As I slowly awoke the music I wrote and sung changed. Songs written from a place of great loss were sung with greater compassion. Compassion I finally learnt to extend not only to others but myself.
Very often I am reminded of my Mother, the most generous soul I know. Every morning she would wake as the house slumbers, gather her holy books and pray. It doesn’t matter that I disagree with her religious convictions. It matters more that she epitomizes faith in action. When the crashing waves couldn’t calm me and I found it impossible to speak, all it took was hearing my Mother say, “Auriol, my child, didn’t you miss me?” And suddenly the walls housing all my tears would collapse. Without her (and she is rather insane by the way) I would not have the unflinching faith I have in music or myself.
The point I am making is this. Everything passes and the ability to get through the good, bad and trying experiences is…whatever you need it to be. Did you expect me to say faith, love, patience? Just because that helped me does not mean it will be the same for another. We are never left alone. Never without guidance. Never without hope. Sometimes all it takes is the sound of waves at 3 am or the face of someone we trust. So go ahead. Take a closer look at your life. They are all there..the signs, markers, people, music…. guiding you back home and to yourself..