It’s about damn time everyone knows this. You will never have a soul mate people! Sometimes the best soul mate you can hope for is yourself. I won’t lie my family has its fair share of dysfunction and it taught me many things – some good, some bad and some very, very ugly.

My deliciously hot and quirky sister thinks that she is doomed to live her life alone or fears that she will settle with a lunatic the way my mother has. Now don’t get me wrong. I love the old dirty bastard and over the years we are easier with each other. But that relationship has poisoned the way I think of men despite all my new age education.

I have friends who married assholes. Men who will always remain assholes no matter how many therapists get thrown their way. These ladies are not only raising their kids but their husbands also. Personally, I think they are the strongest women out there…Imagine waking up every single day with someone who doesn’t know how to love you?

Eish, that a grown ass woman has to admit to her Daddy issues is rather sad but acknowledging the truth is the first step to recovery, right? And this is why I the best soul mate you can hope to have is yourself. Like my best friend Mo said, “If you can’t love yourself why should anyone else?”

There are some things I can’t rid myself of – no matter how civilised I say I am. When I was a wild pagan I loved putting on my robe , creating a circle (that my cats regularly invaded), lighting the incense and candles and waiting for something to happen. After many years of spiritual rehab there are certain things people know about me….

My house will always smell of incense. Nag Chumpa to be exact. If you scout the room you will locate a mother/goddess figure along with a Tarot/ Oracle deck. And in between my Dune collection you will find a few New Age books. I keep those books, even though I haven’t picked them up in years, to remind me of one very important thing. There is no point being an idealist about anything.

It’s amazing that in this day and age women still feel pressurised to be all things to everyone. If you just had a baby you better look sexy, darling. Your house should be organised, finger licking food laid out on the table and after the kids are asleep you need to be porno ready for your man…

I am under no illusions about who I am. I know that I will make mistakes and fook up. That at times I can be a bitch or  misunderstood. I will never love ironing or be comfortable seeing myself on TV. Now if I could only get rid of that idealism when it comes to the people around me – life would be perfect!

The best I can do is accept people for who they but that is never easy to do. I once heard a self help guru speak about effective communication. He said that you have to speak to people in a way that syncs with their value system. And that makes sense to a certain degree. I would most certainly get my own way a lot more but it does not sit well with me because the approach is essentially selfish.

If we all communicated that way then no one would be asked to see or feel beyond themselves. Everyone would be too busy trying to figure out an angel to get their way Yes, I if I could rid myself of that idealism when it comes to people life would be perfect. But a perfect life would be boring and give me nothing to write or sing about.

We are all wired differently. Don’t worry this isn’t a woman-are-from-Venus men-are-from-Mars rant. It’s about behaving badly and I do it every so often. The latest episode happened at a family function where I wasn’t feeling very talkative. The First Husband was not impressed….

“Auriol, what’s wrong with you?” Is this man not married to me, I wondered? Has he not noticed that I go into lurk mode and try to hide out from everyone? Even the people at my record company know this about me…lol!

Yes, we all are guilty of thinking people should behave in a certain way…. and then stepping outside of those boundaries ourselves. I can be very social when I choose to be but there are times when I just want to be left to my own devices. That is becoming harder to do these days. Anyway, it’s the best and only way to observe people… but the First Husband was not having any of that either.

I felt like a bad child being sent to the naughty corner. I did not want to admit that he had a point here and there. Sometimes I do not care enough so I retreat. Other times engaging is just too costly because once you are in their “stuff” – you are invested and that changes everything.

I am not one of those people who can only care a little bit or care from a distance. I know of many people who do that very successfully and I find it fascinating and odd. People who I care about will hear from me often. At least a few times a week and I make time to see them whenever possible. The rest of them….oh well…No one’s perfect.