Auriol Hays

Awareness through music

Archive for May, 2011

Give Till It’s Gone

I don’t like playing games or showing off. It might seem like fun but ego tripping, inevitably, bites you in the ass. Once, a silly boy told me he thought I had no personality because I did not respond to jokes or conversation the way he was accustomed too. Reciting names and facts do nothing for me. I guess I am just not interested in appearing smart.

Self worth is a tricky thing and when you have little of it your ego takes you on all kinds of unexpected detours. Most of my life I have always waited on others to step in because thought I wasn’t good enough. When I started off in music I felt that most keenly but had people to guide me. I always knew that my musical career was about more than simply singing a tune – it enabled me to find my own voice so I could say “Dammit-all I am good enough and can do this on my own terms.”

There is greater value in being honest with yourself  first – especially when you are scared and don’t know which way to turn. That is something I learnt a few years back. I cannot afford to play games with myself or be in denial. Luckily I have family and friends who won’t put up with my crap when I can’t find that honesty! So I don’t have to be piss drunk or falling to pieces before I can own up to my feelings or what needs to change in my life.

These people keep me grounded but even they get it wrong at times. I have a friend who is one of my most trusted advisers. But something tragic happened just the other day. I came to realize that I have outgrown the need for his advice. That was an epiphany I never thought I would have. Sometimes this dude has no idea what he is talking about and it’s time I said, “Hold up mister. You are wrong …”

Aristotle was right when he said “the ultimate value of life depends upon awareness and the power of contemplation….” I just have to learn to do something valuable with all that awareness and contemplation…

posted by auriol in career,human nature,life in general and have No Comments

Lilac Wine

It’s easy being scared and bitchy. This weekend I had to perform at the South African Music Awards and at first I was completely overwhelmed. Especially when I heard that I was performing with Tumi and The Volume and Marcus Wyatt. To add insult to injury a stylist pulled a dirty on me, a script was changed at the last moment and a million small other things happened. I had this moment of complete panic…okay two days to be exact. But then small kid put everything into perspective for me. She has brain cancer and every reason to be scared. Yet she wasn’t.  Me? I am just a singer who happens to be in perfect health.

Every now and then these moments come along that threaten to swallow you whole. Montreux, The Joy of Jazz and the SAMA’s are perfect examples. They seem almost too big and too good to be true and at my core I wondered if I could rise to the occasion.  Every human being on the planet has experienced that feeling. We are scared of making mistakes and we question our worth. On live television I said something that I should not have said while presenting an award. You live, you learn and life goes on – that is one of my philosophies.

The night itself was filled with dramatic highs and lows. I was lucky in that I had Mark and Divan by my side to see me through it all. Everyone needs Mark’s and Divan’s in their corner. This industry is rife with posers and liars. Finding people who are honest and sincere is a rare thing. Also those two can tell some pretty dirty jokes! So I ended the night early, skipped the after party and crawled into bed with my naked husband. A great ending to an eventful night.

posted by auriol in My music and have No Comments