Auriol Hays

Awareness through music

Archive for August, 2011

Miss Otis Regrets

Some people are headed for a nervous breakdown. I can see it so clearly when scanning through rather questionable and oh so very flaky status updates on Facebook. Yes, yes…I know that everyone has their own process and ways of dealing with their lives and I should have more empathy… but sometimes, just sometimes I want to slap them and say, “Get real man! You can’t new age your way through everything!

Emotions are meant to be felt, painfully endured, and worked through so you can heal… Of course, I would only ever say that to people I know intimately…but forgive me for thinking badly of total strangers. I am not Buddha chilling under a tree. Enlightenment is far, far, far away I fear…

After just watching Planet of the Apes, I was struck by the following thought, “Life will always conspire to show you who you really are; your darkest fears and deepest desires”. This only means one thing my mind dear friend, the shit will hit the fan and when it does how you respond will determine if you are able expunge that funky stench from your skin and bones. Yes, yes…personal experience blah, blah, blah…

So instead of getting annoyed and making some snarky comment, I hide their status updates. The truth is I was once that oblivious. I once clung to a lot of – isms to get by. Simply reading a few books and jotting down carefully selected new age sentence can only get you so far. In order to really learn you have to feel it in every inch of your bones and that takes time.

It takes time for any truth to lodge itself within you. Very often it comes with lots of pain, drama and sometimes a little nervous breakdown or three. And if you’re a musician nervous breakdowns are great! They can fire your creativity for months on end!  At least this is what I tell myself…

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Funkier Than a Mosquitoes Tweeter

A friend asked me what I was doing in 1998. After pausing for a few seconds it came back to me. I spent way too much time playing klaverjas, perving over men with my friends and reading books in the library that had nothing to do with what I was studying. Oh, I was also going out with a boy who regularly overdosed on rap music. I was spontaneously and deliriously happy…

Having just recovered from a serious bout of writer’s block – I feel a bit like my old 1998 self again. Sure, life isn’t perfect but I feel more evened out and polished at the edges. When I have writer’s block it generally means that I am not dealing with my life very well. It leaves me feeling hollowed out and empty….as though there is no more music left in me. Everything just feels muted and bland.

Every emotion, I have learnt, has its place. I am just tired of wallowing in one state of mind and writing a soundtrack to it. Now I actively seek out happiness – no matter what form it takes. I have cut down on my daily Ben Harper intake too. He leaves me feeling comforted but a bit too sad. So I might as well just chill out and enjoy the ride because things will go wrong till the day I die. I can’t afford to linger in depression or hurt. That would just make me a sad human being and a terrible musician.

Many things have changed since 1998…Granted I do not salaciously perv over men or drink cheap red wine anymore. Now I am more civilized…urbane. I like the odd glass of white wine (Boschendal please) and regularly play an invented game called man poker with a friend of mine. Currently I am in the lead after trumping him with a picture of Jason Mamoa. And yes, I will go and watch Conan just because Jason is the lead. Plot? Who cares about that…?

posted by auriol in human nature and have No Comments