Hallelujah! I am single after years and years of being married. The divorce wasn’t as messy as you would think. Of course the drama leading up to it was the stuff soap operas are made of. There was drama, tears, deceit, and so many betrayals. And let me not get started on the revenge bit! Ooh, the things I wanted to do! I am a Scorpio after all and our favorite saying, although we will never admit it, is this; Death is only the start of getting even! However, there was one thing that set me straight and it wasn’t my daughter, my family or even my Shaman. It was Music. At my darkest moments Music always pulled me back and reminded me that Life is filled with small moments, epiphanies, that will bring you back to your centre – if you are open to them.
As I sipped on some whisky a few moments ago, and was flooded by this feeling of Awe, Gratitude and Bliss. I know what you are thinking, “Auriol, you had one too many girl! Time to lay off on that whisky!” Trust me I didn’t even finish my tipple. Music showed me so many times that anything is possible. Sometimes I am surprised that I could forget. I am always flooded with the butterflies the day before a show. When I am caught in the midst of them I feel as though I am about to meet my Lover and can barely think or stand still. It is a glorious feeling…
I am besieged by that feeling when I lie on the bed with my daughter and she plays me all her “questionable” music. Those moments are filled with magic because at that very second no one else on the entire planet is allowed into her space. I am there and get to share her life in a way that no one else will. When I hear her laughing, see that spark in her eyes, how can I possibly be sad or feel sorry for myself? I reckon most people lose their way when they forget that.
It would be so easy to stop believing that anything is possible after the divorce. To wallow in self doubt, negativity and just write sad songs all the time. Does this mean that I am okay? Not by a long shot. I will still have those moments when I feel like crying and collapse in tears…when I call up Mark and dramatically exclaim, “Am I doomed to be alone forever? When will things ever be easier?” Mark has wanted to smack me straight so many times and came close on a number of occasions! However, I have something I never had before – perspective on my pain and my life.
So when those dark moments come I will play a song by Groundation called The Seventh Seal and be reminded of my purpose…and that “Music will always rescue me”. And if that doesn’t work I will plop myself on my daughter’s bed and allow her to to share her latest boy crush band, One Direction, with me. Then we will lie on the bed and laugh and laugh. Well, she will laugh at me…and that will always be enough