Auriol Hays

Awareness through music

Archive for June, 2012

A Better Man

“Girly, truth is stranger than fiction,” I said very causally as I lay on my daughter’s bed. “Just look at the crap that happened with your father and myself! They could have made a soap opera about it!” Then I burst out laughing. “Mummy it wasn’t that funny when it happened.” Of course she was right but I continued laughing nevertheless. “But darling that’s the only way we humans learn anything. Through pain and drama! You might as well laugh about it…”

I have so many friends who are looking for love or trying to hold on to love. I am not jaded about love or even relationships. I have a more balanced view now, I think. There are just certain things I refuse to do. I will not take happiness at another person’s expense. It’s a combination of many things. I know what it feels like to look at someone who feels betrayed and conversely to have your trust in someone squashed to hell and back. Also it a basic law of the universe; what you give out you get back. Karma and I are on good terms for now and I have no intention of pissing her off. Does this mean I am a saint or a reformed Scorpio? Hell no! Sometimes I wish the ex and his side kick would rot in hell. Still, it’s not my place to make their lives that living hell. Although I do admit that I tried for a while…haha!

Yes, I can laugh about it now. Only because I know that it’s the easiest thing in the world to hate someone. It’s easy to allow other people in your head and have it spoil your week. Anyway, I have no reason or right to judge anyone.  At the end of the day she is someone’s mother, friend, sister and he was a man I once loved. I cannot know what any other person has gone through to make the choices they have made. Strangely enough I am grateful for the betrayal because it showed me what love should and should not be. I can only say those things in retrospect but better late than never I reckon.

Talking about epiphanies I had one while in JHB early one morning. Most of the time we want love to be packaged a certain way. Love has to look like this, sound like this, act like that and preferably be a musician named Ben Harper (I just had to squeeze that in somewhere!)….and all the while we miss out on the love that is continually being shown. That is a sad reality because we put ourselves at great emotional risk. I am not expecting Love any time soon. If it comes my way – wonderful! For now I am content with the love I am being shown by family, friends and my awesome cats.

I am very careful about how I treat people too. I go to great lengths to make sure I am perfectly understood and that I really listen in turn. Of course I have my off moments but they are far and few in between. Let me reassure you that no man is involved in my change in attitude. I am hit with all kinds of epiphanies and I pay attention to them. The logic is simple really; I have no desire to revisit past mistakes. And if I have a off day I can always count on my daughter to sing some dirty South Park song that will leave both of us in stitches! And that is enough for now, good night, good bye…

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Roses For My Friends

“To live is to feel oneself lost.” If that is the case then I feel gloriously alive! More so when I found myself sitting near a carousal that I use to frequent with my ex.  I didn’t ball my eyes out neither was I overcome with sadness. I kept my eyes focused on my book and all feelings at bay. Later as I drank tea and ate a piece of cheesecake that ache crept up on me. However, I refused to cry no matter how horrendous the overpriced cheesecake…

My sister tells me that many family members are rather concerned about me. They corner her at the oddest times and ask, “Is Auriol okay?” Truthfully I am okay 97% of the time. Yet every now and then a word uttered in a particular tone, a stupid song on the radio, a missed appointment triggers that 3% and I find myself in that familiar, desolate place.

“That ache you feel… that seems almost too much to bear, whether good or bad, is the place where creativity comes from.” I was so relieved I wasn’t fed some crappy line about time healing all wounds or Karma bitch slapping the ex. My friend always knows what to say when it’s needed most.

I will admit that I am in a rush to get on with my life. I would like this and that and that thing over there to be sorted out now and delivered to my house, thank you very much. This business of dealing with my emotions, I discovered, cannot be rushed. I joke a lot about getting laid and I will tease men at the slightest provocation but truthfully I have very little time and space. It seems my ache has a few more things to teach me.

Everything will still be out there after it leaves. People waiting to be loved, songs needing to be sung, bad music forced on me by my daughter, food that will be burnt in my oven and more horrendous cheesecake. I would rather invite that ache into my house, my heart, my  head and hear her out so that when she leaves…she leaves for good.

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God Emperor of Dune

“Woo her Andrew! Sweep the lady off her feet and woo her to hell and back!” Men don’t know what to do with women these days and I blame the feminists for this. Yes, you heard right! Why get a man when you can do it yourself and buy a top of the range vibrator to boot?

While there is nothing wrong with being independent or top of the range vibrators, I do believe that somewhere, somehow we lost the plot. Men are no longer hunting in the deep dark forests and women have long since abandoned their huts. We live in a consumer driven society where everything is easily accessible. Yet the underlying energy and drive that fuels our behaviour has not changed. This is problematic at best and, in my mind, explains why some get addicted to soap operas, chick flicks and bad pop music!

Men are afraid and women are weary. Today a man asked for my number. I was amused, smiled and walked away. Do you want to know what was rumbling through my mind? “I don’t know you from a bar of soap dude!” Maybe if I stopped and spoke to him…maybe if he wasn’t as shy I would have changed my mind. That encounter made me realize that human beings are very strange indeed. We all desire greater connection and intimacy yet rarely know what to do once we find it.

If I am interested in a man I will make sure he knows it. Most decent men, however, do not know what to do when the roles are reversed. They want to feel like men and hunt. This is especially true if the man is use to having women throw themselves at him. My best friend gave me the best advice, “Auriol, just be yourself.” Simple and insanely terrifying. Be myself? Outspoken, a bit off centre, impatient and perpetually uncomfortable with my big boobs? Goodness that’s a tall order…

How would I handle things differently this time I wondered? I cannot be less than who I am or lie about what I need. “Auriol, you need to learn how to play the game!” another friend suggested. The game? What game? What are the rules to this game? When does it start or end? Who is the referee and how does one walk away victorious?

Surely it should not be that complicated? In my mind relationships boils down to this; making the person you care for feel wanted and having that reciprocated. They should always know that they matter regardless. This does not require money. Perhaps a bit of ingenuity yes. While I have no intention of ironing any man’s shirts again I will make greater space in my life – if that opportunity arises.

So damn the feminists, bad pop music and those chick flicks! Not everyone is going to show they care in the same (boring) tried and tested way. I would woo a man with words and music. In my mind there is no bigger declaration than that. I have many friends who have tried to inspire songs by saying really cool things. I always find that rather hilarious. I only and always write what I feel deeply…and if a man inspires more than one song then he is in big trouble!

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Maybe I do go on about Ben Harper a bit too much. Stalker much? haha

Click on the image to read what I really said.  wouldn’t want you to strain your eyes..

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An article about Branding..

Life is very strange indeed. Once I worked as a corporate writer and was lucky enough to be mentored by a fantastic lady, Madeline Lass. She taught me so many things that will stay with me.  This is why I will always call her The Boss Lady. I was so pleased when I finally got to be interviewed by her!  This article deals with branding.  But let’s get real here. You can try to manipulate your way into anything or anyone. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. Personally what matters most is having  people who believe in who I am and what I can do.  I like to give back that in any way I can to the people who matter to me…

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