“Auriol, I love you… but this album is depressing! I just want to slit my wrists.” Before you ask, I was not offended. Music is personal and subjective after all. My second album Call It Love was a big departure from the pop infused-all-over-the-place, debut album Behind Closed Doors. “It’s the perfect album to listen to after Valentine’s Day” I joked. Above all, I hoped that the music would give people the kind of solace that Ben Harper’s music gave me when I needed it most.

I often wonder, in my darker moments, if I could have released a different kind of album; if it was necessary to lay myself as bare as I did. Why not release a mind-numbing album to get heads bobbing? Isn’t that what people want? A release? Jeez, my life would have been so much easier if I did. I wouldn’t have to explain, interview after interview, what sparked the album and skirt the truth to protect others.

“We must seize and celebrate the power of the Arts to shape our individual and national character,” said Ben Cameron. “And especially the youth who are subjected to a bombardment of sensations than digested experience” That is what I attempted to do with Call It Love… digested experience indeed.

Having a magical gig at the Alma Cafe with my friend and mentor Lionel Bastos, I am certain of a few things. The third album will feel different. I am not dealing with my own vulnerabilities anymore. Words such as strength, power, integrity and gun-slinging revolution come to mind. The songs are not personal. The themes are bigger, the tempos are faster and dashed with all manner of eclectic influences.

In short, I could only write the third album after getting out of my own head and heart. Have the last few years changed me? No. I am still the same tv-series addict who spends her nights listening to talk radio while reading a book. The same lady who agonizes while shopping, much to my daughter’s annoyance, even though I have a list… But circumstances have refined who I chose to be and how I express that individuality.

And I chose to be stronger, act with integrity, admit my faults when I make them, love passionately and without expectations… and in doing so will change the landscape of my life. I just hope that those listening will like what I have to share…

‘Life seemed to be filled with things like the ghost orchid. Wonderful to imagine and easy to fall in love with but a little fantastic, fleeting and out of reach’ These lines come  from one of my favorite movies, Adaptation.  For a long time I felt that way about music and to a lesser degree about certain men who entered my life…

Having completed the Cape Town Jazz Fest, a few thoughts need to be shared. At times I am convinced that the circuitous path one takes to  a place or even a mind state is filled with more  unexpected adventures and epiphanies  than the destination itself. Jazz Fest was stressful. I came down with the flu and my voice suddenly became lower and deeper than it usually is. And singing, that I usually equate with absolute freedom, became an exercise in self control and heightened awareness. In fact I was so fixated on the music and where I placed my voice that I forgot anyone was listening…

Sometimes we live as though no one is listening or even cares. We are happy, free and joyfully optimistic… only to be constricted and confined on other days. And that’s the way of life. We forget so easily the magic inherent in our everyday lives so we search, hunger, demand for that elusive something more.There was a time when all I yearned for was the ability to open my mouth and sing. I forgot to clean my home, would lose track of time or even forget to bath! I was searching for that lyric, that note, that specific intonation…that would set me free; that would place my life in order. I do worry that I will always feel that hunger not only for music but in my every aspect of my life.

So I try to express myself clearly to those I love. I have often said to those I care for “You will always know how I feel because I will share it..” I do not want to live un expressed or be misunderstood or place my real desires in music because it is safer to do so. I think what I yearn for more now is not the rush of it all but balance.

I will end this blog post with few lines from the movie Adaptation and it explains how I chose to live my life.

” Point is, what’s so wonderful is that every one of these flowers has a specific relationship with the insect that pollinates it. There’s a certain orchid look exactly like a certain insect so the insect is drawn to this flower, its double, its soul mate, and wants nothing more than to make love to it. And after the insect flies off, spots another soul-mate flower and makes love to it, thus pollinating it. And neither the flower nor the insect will ever understand the significance of their lovemaking. I mean, how could they know that because of their little dance the world lives? But it does. By simply doing what they’re designed to do, something large and magnificent happens. In this sense they show us how to live – how the only barometer you have is your heart “

My daughter and I watched the movie Chasing Maverick a few days ago. We were so inspired that we made the immediate decision to become surfers. A hard task as I can barely stay above water! As the night wore on I wondered why  the stars have to align, stones be thrown and signs clearly deciphered before I allow myself to be hurtled into the seemingly treacherous waters called Change…

Everyone is scared of something. Some remain scared while others move through it. Our capacity to endure stems directly from that grand notion of Love; I am convinced of it. If not love for another, then love for something Bigger. An Idea..an Ideal..that pushes us always forward, demands we offer more of ourselves – regardless of the risks. Perhaps Love is similar to attending Capoeira classes for the first time…

I will confess I am desperately, pathetically in love with Capoeira! Often I am enraptured, no, mesmerized by the rhythmic beating of the atabaque (hollow drum), the haunting sound of the berimbau, the clapping of hands…and Beleza’s voice, rising above it all like an ancient mariner imploring the Gods for safe passage. As alluring as that sounds, I do risk getting kicked in the face because I am not paying attention to what’s happening in the roda…

As I watch the seasoned players dance around each other, their muscles flexing with confident ease, I am overcome with a desire to do the same. But then I am reminded of my limitations. Capoeira has to be taken in its stride. Your body and mind trained to deflect and deliver blows skillfully. But Capoeira has taught me a greater lesson far beyond the fluidity of movement. It asks, as Love does, for awareness. Awareness of your own body, the one you dance with and the space both of you occupy.

Friends have told me that men are intimidated by my ideas of love and sensuality. But why, I wonder, would you not want to be swept aside, engulfed and consumed by Love, Lust or simply Life itself? I do this with ease and dare I say…skill in music. Slowly and steadily I invite those notions into my waking life… and who knows? Perhaps one day my daughter might stop laughing as I walk out of class, body aching and mind reeling. Perhaps soon I might leap and dance as gracefully as the seasoned players do. Daringly, with ease, assurance and a hint of danger. Yes, I hope for that day to come – where I no longer chase a maverick but become one.

“When are you going to write a song for me?” Every musician has been asked this question and it is annoying as hell! I try to be diplomatic, “Listen here mister…I don’t know you well enough to write about you.” The truth is usually simple and ugly.  I feel nothing for these men who enter my life…and they should be grateful for that.“Auriol you are over-thinking things. You just find something nice about him and use that to write a song. After all a song regardless of who it is written for…”

Excuse me? Did you just say a song is just a song? Step away from me bucko or I will slap, beat and bite you! Music is never just music. It is fueled by emotion and at its core is Desire. I don’t simply see the man when and if I write music. I feel everything joyously, optimistically, every attribute amplified and imperfection idolized. In short I make the fatal error of falling gloriously, head over heels in love with who that man could be. Great for the audience but not so great for me…

As careful as I try to be Music does not allow for certainty. When I sit in front of my cheap keyboard I never know what will happen. Often I get bored, make tea, check my mail…And then BOOM out of nowhere words and melodies form. “Where the Hell did that come from? I didn’t mean to write that!” It’s at this moment that my daughter interrupts. “Mummy, are you talking to yourself again?”“No, Darling, I am arguing with myself…”I am a bit of coward when dealing with my own emotions. The powers that be, knowing this, force me to confront all those unexpressed desires through music. It sucks balls because there really is nowhere to run…

And this is why I stay away from the keyboard, rarely think of anyone when I sing…I am scared. Scared of what I will sing, what I will feel and what it will mean. Putting any man to music comes with great risks and I don’t know if I am ready to take anymore risks, if my heart could bear it. …or his..

I am reposting this review written by one of my favourite South African authors Zakes Mda. The album is available at all music stores nationwide..but if you are struggling to find an outlet try your closest CNA store

This is a kickass album that lovers of quality music will want to have in their collection. Auriol Hays is a versatile artist whose rendition ranges from love ballads that invoke a world when words still mattered, when lyrics were at a premium, before “baby, baby” was all we could say to express our stunted emotions, to exuberant rhythm-and-blues, right up to some smokey jazzy-blues. When she does the latter she’s really really blue and she takes you to that state of mind. It is the same voice that we have come to love: velvelty and palpable. But this is a different Auriol from that of the first album. It is the same sensual voice, but now with greater maturity. A much more defiant Auriol; yet at the same time gentle. A tinge of anger somewhere. However, this is not a mournful Auriol but a soulful one. In some numbers she is danceful too. For instance, “All Tied Up” will make even the most tired or aged of bones raise a storm on the dance floor. Or on the elliptical, exactly what “Turn Up the Music” from her previous album did for me. My most favorite, though, is the wistful “O Meu Amor”, which never fails to transport me whirling into a goose-bumpy universe. Indeed, there is something for everyone in this album

Would you like to know what I think of as I sit in front of my cheap keyboard about to compose? I am not merely searching for nice tune and colourful story so people can bob their heads and sing along. Ask any artist who slaves tirelessly and they will confess they feel possessed by the Muses themselves. As I clumsily clunk on the keyboard all I want is that luminous second where maddening chaos and exultation lie suspended. In that very instant, if the right chords are struck, I ask anyone who will listen “What will you choose now?” After all Art, indeed life itself, is a revolution of sorts. A series of steps and motions that threaten to unravel, unseat, upend and overthrow.

Just this afternoon a working theme for the third album emerged. A singular image materialized. That of a pair of lovers…his arms protectively encircling his paramour as the world around them passionately implodes.  I have a penchant for the dramatic, I confess. But then I am a musician and we deal in heightened emotions. With every note I sing the question remains the same, “What will they choose now? What path will they take?”

I have often intimated that how we love or fail too determines the hue and texture of our very existence. Those choices ripple, cascade….unlocking a plethora of unforeseen  scenarios and inescapable circumstances. A tad bit much again? Perhaps I write my third album in the hope that it will restore my sense of wonder and belief in love.

So I live vicariously and fleetingly experience that which I have forgotten. To be an object of desire, to know intimacy and all encompassing ecstasy? A beautiful notion indeed…But before I assault my keyboard I will leave you with the following, “Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present, and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.” Yes, every choice, thought, encounter has brought me to this place where I music runs rampant under my skin…

I am terribly excited about the new cd being released next month. I think the photographer Xtoph Heierli and designer Sedick Sassman did a wonderful job. Ierephaan styled me and my stylist Idelina never left my side. I have much to be thankful for…

Sean Paul, Ben Harper and the gym. Those were the magic ingredients that resulted in our solid performance at the Grahamstown Festival. Oh, and let me not forget the intensive rehearsals with my band! But first allow me to explain how Sean and Ben fit into the picture. Everyday for the last few months I visualized the show in my head while sweating up a storm in the gym. I even had a mantra coursing through my head, “I will remember all my lyrics, I will remember it all”. And just to be sure I wrote down a few slippery phrases on my hands.

The day before the show I was convinced that no one would rock up to see us. “Mark, what do I do if there are only 5 people?” I had to confide my fears in someone. “Auriol, you will do your best no matter how many people there are.” But imagine my surprise when I heard the show was sold out! This has never happened before. I once sang in front of 15 000 at a benefit concert but in all honestly it does not count as many came to see the Idols winner. Yet, the idea that people came out to see my band and I perform really took me by surprise.

In case you are wondering – I am not writing to boast. I write to remember; the journey music has taken me on, the people who guided me through it and all the epiphanies that have hit me along the way. It always comes back to Montreux for me. It was not the dream gig but it was the kick up the ass I needed. I came back a different musician with greater focus and determination.

“Auriol,” said my pianist, “You can trust us”. Poor Fabian had no idea what he was asking of me! At each show they play a song without me. I want the audience to experience what I know to be true: they are extremely talented musicians in their own right. Not only do they bring the house down but it always leaves me feeling immensely proud! By the end of the festival I was more at ease than I have ever been with any band. I really enjoyed hearing them squabble amongst each other about who garnered the most applause! They were also kind enough to not mention the fact that I forgot a few words here and there…

Whenever I feel uninspired or lazy Nina Simone gets me back on track. It’s not because she was a gifted singer. I dig her because she was unapologetic. Nina didn’t give a damn! She would sing, rant and rock up wearing whatever was in her closet. Oh, I wish I had such balls but we live in a different world…

 A world where musicians do everything but play music to get attention. Where a pretty face and plastic music is valued more. Unlike Nina I am not bitter about these things. Sure, it’s upsetting and every now and then I will let loose a few words. Then I retreat into my sanctum: family and friends. That’s what matters more. That’s what informs and fuels my music. The years before my music career taught me a valuable lesson. I have learnt to tune out what’s not relevant and hang on to the things that are.

 When she sang My Baby Just Cares for Me live at Montruex in 1984 she said “This song was popular in France with Chanel No 5 of which I have none of or the money either.” Later she uttered “I wish I was as wise then as I am now. I have suffered.” Whatever joy that song once had was not reflected in her face or in the music she played. She was defiant to the end.

What I admire most was that she put her soul into every song she sang. Even when she took to stage as high as a kite, her rendition of Morris Albert’s Feelings was sung with such empathy and delicacy. I plan on covering this track in one of my shows very soon. Even in her older age where she became so bitter, she was unapologetic. And being unapologetic at the start of her career could not have been easy.

Lena Horne, an iconic Black actress, retreated from Hollywood because of the politics of the day. Billy Holiday was just an addict who sang as rough as she had it. While Ella was always classy and made a success of her career despite the politics. When I think of these Four Woman I pull up all the socks I have. I have a great deal to be grateful for. Now let’s hope all the rehearsals and introspection pays off at the Grahamstown Festival in July…

It’s easy being scared and bitchy. This weekend I had to perform at the South African Music Awards and at first I was completely overwhelmed. Especially when I heard that I was performing with Tumi and The Volume and Marcus Wyatt. To add insult to injury a stylist pulled a dirty on me, a script was changed at the last moment and a million small other things happened. I had this moment of complete panic…okay two days to be exact. But then small kid put everything into perspective for me. She has brain cancer and every reason to be scared. Yet she wasn’t.  Me? I am just a singer who happens to be in perfect health.

Every now and then these moments come along that threaten to swallow you whole. Montreux, The Joy of Jazz and the SAMA’s are perfect examples. They seem almost too big and too good to be true and at my core I wondered if I could rise to the occasion.  Every human being on the planet has experienced that feeling. We are scared of making mistakes and we question our worth. On live television I said something that I should not have said while presenting an award. You live, you learn and life goes on – that is one of my philosophies.

The night itself was filled with dramatic highs and lows. I was lucky in that I had Mark and Divan by my side to see me through it all. Everyone needs Mark’s and Divan’s in their corner. This industry is rife with posers and liars. Finding people who are honest and sincere is a rare thing. Also those two can tell some pretty dirty jokes! So I ended the night early, skipped the after party and crawled into bed with my naked husband. A great ending to an eventful night.