Throughout my career I have been called many names. I didn’t bat an eyelid when a Russian cage fighter called me Princess, although I was flattered for a second or two. But when I was called “A woman of romance and mystery” I was taken aback. Me? Mysterious? How? I wouldn’t know how to be mysterious. Often my blatant honesty and candor lands me in serious trouble…
Lately I have been toying with the idea of the Mysterious femme fatale, luring her away from my music and into my bedroom, kitchen, hell even the supermarket! But where to start? Do I have to abandon my beloved blue beanie and rasta jacket and don a dress, black stockings and heels? Should I step away from my tv series and watch programs of a more elevated nature? Should I twist and tweak my sexual fantasies, feign interest in politics and become an overnight pundit …so I could run circles around men? So that with every breath I take I become a Siren who whispers, so seductively, so alluringly “Here I am…take me if you dare..”
Goodness, that really does sound tempting! And I might incorporate that into some..uhm..fantasy..or song somewhere along the way. However, I am not interested in running circles around anyone. A shocking thing for a Scorpio female to confess, I know! Often it takes a big old smack from the Universe to get you to settle into your skin. But once all the Oscar winning performances have been delivered and all the small battles waged – then and only then can you find a measure of peace .
I have learnt to appreciate all the guises and roles I have played over the years. There is great value to be had in being a femme fatale or a even a Florence Nightingale. Many years ago one of my mentors said, “Auriol, you will have to adopt a way of being to suit a particular circumstance…just as you would remove a coat when it is hot, you have to appreciate that there are many different facets to your personality that you will have to employ..”
I am a volatile musician I confess, but I have learnt to temper, tone down and tame that energy so I can reassure my daughter when she is anxious, deal with clients and not kill someone while in traffic. But that same volatility is great on stage. Understanding the use of masks or personas is not new. The problem arises when an individual believes that the persona defines them. “I am a breadwinner and therefore should act like this…and you should behave that way…” Being stuck in a role is limiting and eventually we all reach a point in our lives when games are no longer of any interest, where roles no longer define us.
This new found and hard earned peace is reflected in the music I am writing. It reeks of hope, redemption, peace and above all Love. The music is bolder, livelier - not anchored by sadness or regret. I no longer struggle to remove my coat on a hot day.I toy with all these personas, allow them to infuse and invigorate -and after they have served their purpose I gently place them back in my cupboard.
You might have seen me around….I am that lady in the traffic who bobs her head and sings badly, who cries ever so softly when reading a book on a plane, that mysterious femm fatale who leaves your mind reeling as you lie naked in her bed, that complicated woman who reads poetry and eats ice cream on a rainy day and laughs loudly when kids are around. I am all those… and dammit, I am unafraid. Are you?