I only ever listen and sing my own music when I have to prepare for a show. This annoys my daughter. One day she walked in on me and said, “Why are you listening to yourself sing?” I carefully explained that I have a habit of forgetting my own lyrics and so listen to remind myself…not only of the lyrics but to connect with the emotions of the song. She just rolled her eyes and said, “I never want to be a singer!” to which I replied, “Well, you are in luck because you can’t sing!” I know I should be nicer but the girl was looking for trouble…

And on that gentle note if you are in Cape Town on the 27^th of May, do drop in and listen to my band. I call it a “little performance” because it will be intimate. Also, it won’t drag on too long as people have kids to put to bed and jobs to go to the next day. So if you can – find me at the Iyambo centre, Bree Street, Cape Town. It will only cost you R50. I will be singing songs that we have never performed in Cape Town before …

As I sipped on some whisky a few moments ago, and was flooded by this feeling of Awe, Gratitude and Bliss. I know what you are thinking, “Auriol, you had one too many girl! Time to lay off on that whisky!” Trust me I didn’t even finish my tipple. Music showed me so many times that anything is possible. Sometimes I am surprised that I could forget. I am always flooded with the butterflies the day before a show.  When I am caught in the midst of them I feel as though I am about to meet my Lover and can barely think or stand still. It is a glorious feeling…

I am besieged by that feeling when I lie on the bed with my daughter and she plays me all her “questionable” music. Those moments are filled with magic because at that very second no one else on the entire planet is allowed into her space. I am there and get to share her life in a way that no one else will. When I hear her laughing, see that spark in her eyes, how can I possibly be sad or feel sorry for myself? I reckon most people lose their way when they forget that.

It would be so easy to stop believing that anything is possible after the divorce. To wallow in self doubt, negativity and just write sad songs all the time. Does this mean that I am okay? Not by a long shot. I  will still have those moments when I feel like crying and collapse in tears…when I call up Mark and dramatically exclaim, “Am I doomed to be alone forever? When will things ever be easier?” Mark has wanted to smack me straight so many times and came close on a number of occasions! However, I have something I never had before – perspective on my pain and my life.

So when those dark moments come I will play a song by Groundation called The Seventh Seal and be reminded of  my purpose…and that “Music will always rescue me”. And if that doesn’t work I will plop myself on my daughter’s bed and allow her to to share her latest boy crush band, One Direction, with me. Then we will lie on the bed and laugh and laugh. Well, she will laugh at me…and that will always be enough

Now for a confession: I knew when Lionel handed me his cd and I saw the title O Meu Amor that I would end up singing the song. I just knew… and when I understood its  meaning I felt more than drawn to the song, I was compelled.  The song reeks of Desire and longing. Sometimes when I get on stage  that is all I feel… all I know

So if you would like to hear the song, click on the link   O Me Amor …oh and here’s  the English translation of the song.

My love has no reason

my love has no pride

It has only passion

But this love can never be

If you don’t want to know about it

Your love is my desire

To embrace you, to kiss you

To know your heart,

But you don’t want to know about it, my love

Night- time is terrible without you

The moon won’t let me forget

That nothing in this world pleases me

And nothing enchants me when you are not here

So I give you this song

But this love can only be if you want it, my love

Very often I hear  “You are so strong Auriol.” They have no idea….No one has any idea how close I came to losing my mind, how often I would scream myself awake from troubling dreams, not move from my bed or would collapse in tears after a show. Very often what you want and what you need are two different things. Did I want to be lied and betrayed at every corner? No. But it was what I needed to move on…

If I had to be truthful I would say that I knew, at that very second two years ago when I hurled my wedding ring across the room, that I would never put it on again. That somewhere, something had broken and no amount of promises or kind words could fix. I knew. We always know…but who wants to deal with that painful realization?

So I don’t take love or lust seriously and urge everyone else to do the same. “But he’s leaving in a few months time. I don’t want to get attached.” I hate it when woman say that! Sometimes I just want to smack them and say, “Every man you meet will not be your Baby-Daddy or the Love of Your Life dammit-all!”! This is, sadly something no one single woman wants to hear. We are either too invested in the fairy tale, the happily ever after, or the Rules and Regulations. I am sure that happily ever after exists somewhere out there. However, I am more invested in the Here and Now.

Keeping my pain in perspective was a damn hard thing. I had to remind myself every morning that I have so much to be grateful for. That this failed relationship was merely one small thing. One small thing…even writing that is hard.

I have no idea what will become of me… and for the first time I am okay with that. All I want to do is hang out with my pesky daughter, dance to Sean Paul with my sister, get on stage and sing, eat good food with friends, listen to good music and hang out at the beach. Anything or anyone else is just going to have to fit in with that…

This is a kickass album that lovers of quality music will want to have in their collection. Auriol Hays is a versatile artist whose rendition ranges from love ballads that invoke a world when words still mattered, when lyrics were at a premium, before “baby, baby” was all we could say to express our stunted emotions, to exuberant rhythm-and-blues, right up to some smokey jazzy-blues. When she does the latter she’s really really blue and she takes you to that state of mind. It is the same voice that we have come to love: velvelty and palpable. But this is a different Auriol from that of the first album. It is the same sensual voice, but now with greater maturity. A much more defiant Auriol; yet at the same time gentle. A tinge of anger somewhere. However, this is not a mournful Auriol but a soulful one. In some numbers she is danceful too. For instance, “All Tied Up” will make even the most tired or aged of bones raise a storm on the dance floor. Or on the elliptical, exactly what “Turn Up the Music” from her previous album did for me. My most favorite, though, is the wistful “O Meu Amor”, which never fails to transport me whirling into a goose-bumpy universe. Indeed, there is something for everyone in this album

There really was a time when I did think I would never write music or find the right people to work with. Then along came Mallum. I won’t lie…it took a while for me to trust him. Some people just don’t get me or my music.  And I drilled the poor man. I was always very precise about what I wanted in a song and how it should sound because I was paying him after all. Many songs were given to him in their entirety but even those he improved upon. I especially love what he did with my apocalyptic song called THE END and A BETTER MAN. He never let me down. Then there’s Seth Grey who always passed on music that I could write to it.  One of his beats ended up being used by Zubz and I for our duet, a song called ALL TIED UP that I wrote for my sister. She likes the song but is in two minds about it. Some people you just can’t satisfy!

How can I forget the most talented man in the music industry today? Lionel Bastos who writes the most emotive songs and actually allows me to sing them. Lionel who is always so generous with his time and would answer any questions I had as best he could. He is one of my mentors and a wonderful man all round…

However, I need to say this – and it is important for all musicians out there. I learnt a great deal from the first cd, how it was made and the business of the music industry. I was lucky because I had Morgan who always shared information and kept me in the loop the first time round. My career is where it is because she was always pushing and insisting that things are done a certain way. Sometimes I think all she missed was a whip – the killer heels she has, trust me!

However, on the second album I was left to my own devices and learnt to trust my gut more than anything. I learnt how to deal with clients, to negotiate and essentially to not be scared any more. Calling up radio stations, mailing people in the media, getting playlisted…things I never did before but was forced to learn. I did it alone for the most part and am grateful for it because of what I learnt and the people I got to meet along the way.

These are the people who helped most and whenever I needed it.  On the music video side I had a great team helping me – headed by Ross, Marius, Ierephaan, Christoph and my beloved French Michel. I am lucky to have people who not only believe in me but my music passionately. They give of their time and their money freely without me ever asking. That is something I hope to repay in any way I can..

However, this album is my baby. I was involved in every step, wrote most of the songs and was intimately involved in every decision. This album is also not a random collection of songs, as the first cd was, it is thought out and revolves around a theme everyone can relate too. The cd’s name will be CALL IT LOVE, Anima Sola. Not all the stories are my own. Some were inspired by friends, lovers, mothers, aunts…I can only write what I feel and my friends and family matter most to me.. Without them nothing would be possible. Not the life I live nor this new cd…

You always tend to hear this from people who claim to know better. You know those who have no personal experience or depth to draw from. Yes, those sanctimonious pricks who say things like, “ It does not serve me to do….” Or “I have so much more to give…” Sometimes I want to say “Bitch please! You and all your boring soap opera theatrics are headed straight for Nervous Breakdown City!”

Look, I know I am not perfect and will make mistakes like everyone else. When that happens I don’t want to be preached at, given solutions to my problems or be made to hold someone’s hand. This is what I do need; to know that I am surrounded by people who have the ability to listen. People I can trust, admire and whose loyalty I will never question. I use to think that every person on the planet would want a bit of that – but was proven wrong. Some just want money, status and a thin body to lay against. I have slowly leant to honestly not give a fook and tune them out of my life.

I can hear what you’re thinking, “Shoo, Auriol, jaded much?” And I would respond “Yes, yes and yes to infinity!” Even though I don’t believe in many things any more I will not write sad songs about confused people. I have enough of that in my own life. Anyway, Music won’t allow me to do that. I sat down to write the other day and was surprised at what presented itself to me. I ended up writing a song that was cautiously optimistic. Me? Cautiously optimistic? That was a shocker!

Maybe life isn’t that bad after all, I thought as I listened to the new song. I don’t want to be preached at. I need someone who will listen. I don’t want speeches about obligation and what is right – instead show me, with your actions, what your right looks and feels like. If pressed to choose between Love and Career, I would choose Career hands down. It was always the safest bet. Now all I want is balance.The only reason why I have a career in music is because I have mastered Balance. I didn’t just sit around and make vision boards and read metaphysical books about the inner workings of my mind and soul! I worked at it as best I can whenever I can.

So Universe, if you are listening I have a few orders I would like to place. I promise I will always try to balance them out and not get side tracked. I want a life filled with more Music, more time with my daughter, Love, enough money to take care of our needs and definitely another child. If you want to throw in a new man and some overseas trips  - that would be cool. Not a necessity though..but cool

Whenever the shit hits the fan in my life I never look outside myself. My best friends get very upset with me. “You are beating yourself up for things that are not your doing. It takes two to tango.” A part of me understands that perfectly but my inner philosopher always wonders how other people’s actions reflect on my own humanity, flaws and all the bits that need fixing.

No matter what drama you get drawn into, we all reach that point when it (and all the people involved in the saga) no longer matter. When even emotions of anger, resentment or sadness cease to enter your mind or have any noticeable effect. The new age gurus call it Detachment. In short it’s when you stop giving a fook and feeding the drama any energy. That has always been the tipping point for me…

I never concentrate on the people involved in the saga. Rather I look at what issues they are forcing me to face. A family member, an addict, recently said, “I don’t know why they don’t trust me? I am trying really hard to change.” I laughed at him and said, “Do you honestly expect people to trust that you have changed or have taken responsibility for your life after two months? If you want to change you have to act in such a way that they no longer remember the mistakes you made.” He didn’t get that…and then wonders why I never invite him anywhere..

Taking responsibility in my career has always been challenging. In my band everyone is so talented and headstrong. Also, they tend to be dismissive of me because I am the only girl.  Then the universe stepped in and forced me to look at that situation and fix it. I have stopped band practice many times and said, “This is not how the song should sound. I need a more menacing, devilish feel. Less gospel chords please.” Trust me, saying that to a band full of very religious men was …an interesting experience. But they understood and made adjustments. I no longer need to have that conversation. I took responsibility and they respect me for it. I guess it also helps that I pay them well and on time.

We teach others through our actions. My daughter knows that she can achieve anything if she sets her mind to it. I have shown her that it’s possible. She also knows that I will kick her little ass if she acts spoilt and irresponsible. This life is just too short. We cannot pretend that our actions do not affect others. And if I have to chase her around the house with a belt or sing menacing songs in the middle of the night next to her bed – I will. In fact I already have:)

I was lucky enough to have a great team of talented people who made everything possible. Cal, or as I call her Crazy Cal, was on hand to take these pictures.

Clayton Evertson plays my male lead in the music video. I propositioned him at one of my gigs! I was lucky ….he just happens to be an actor

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