Auriol Hays

Awareness through music


I enjoy watching people. All kinds of people – all the time. Trust me it helps my songwriting. My sister says I am plain nosy. Also, now that I am no longer married I tend to watch more intently. In fact I taken a few friends aside and said, “Listen, I have to tell you something….” I wish I could switch off the urgency to share what I feel.

My sister made me laugh a few days ago when she spoke of her fiancé. “This man likes romantic comedies! He buys roses and does this touchy feely crap. I don’t know what to do with him anymore.” My sister is very hardcore, rarely shows her true feelings yet happens to be dating someone who is overly emotional. Would you like to know what my response to her man’s outpouring of emotion was? “Dude, that is so gay! Last time I checked he didn’t look thirteen!” After almost collapsing on the floor with laughter she said, ““Dude, it took me a while to realize that he shows he loves me in this way. I might think it’s a bit weird but I have learnt to accept it. And it is rather nice.”

I am shocked at how easily people meander into relationships or even casual sex. Granted I joke a lot about jumping men but run when approached by them.  Surely time is needed to process and heal? I am not about to bash the ex in case that crossed your mind. I am no longer interested in who he failed to be but rather why I chose to behave the way I did. Once I understand the why’s and how’s then maybe…

I am very clear about how I would like to be treated and how I hope to make the man in my life feel. I no longer need to look back at the ex and think, “I will never allow this…or never again for that…” If I had to be honest there was a great many things about him I admired and those are the memories I will hold on too. I will do that not for him or even my daughter – but to honour a relationship that defined me for the longest time…

So for now will watch and reflect. It’s a bit like Christmas shopping. I can look at people in a relationship and say, “Yes, I like that! No, that will never do. Ooh, that is rather nice!” I am in no rush and truthfully nowhere near ready. And just to be clear I would slap any man who wanted to watch a romantic comedy or give me roses. That is just too boring and terribly gay..

posted by auriol in human nature and have Comments Off