Auriol Hays

Awareness through music

Knives out

An addict stole my phone yesterday. What surprised me most was just how angry I became. One part of my brain said, “It’s only a phone and can be replaced.” while the other part demanded vengeance. For a second there I felt like Stefano DeMera… Yes, someone had to die or be mortally injured or go without a few fingers and toes. Now that would make me feel better….Only when I saw how upset my best friend was did I stop. It was his birthday.

Over the last few months I have been fucked around enough by people. I use to think that was careful about who I allowed in my space or shared anything personal with but lately I have been way off the mark. Sometimes I meet people and I know that there is something remarkable about them. More than anything I wish they could see what I see in them….but the sad fact is that people can surprise you in the nastiest ways. Some are just bitches…others are confused…while others just cowards who don’t give a fuck. Yesterday I really wanted to shout at some higher power and say, “Damn you I get it!” I have to find a balanced way of looking at people” My problem is I always tend to focus on their potential future self…and who they can become.

Sometimes I get it right like I did with my husband. When I met him he packed boxes as a side job to get cash. He was such a bladdy broke ass who hated studying! Still I knew that he was much more than he seemed. Now he has achieved more than even the smartest person in his class or those who studied at university. We’ve gone from sleeping on the floor in our first flat and not having a fridge for two years to where we are now. I knew the minute I met him that there was something rather special about him and I was right.

The one thing I am certain of is this – you can have all the love in the world for someone but if they can’t see beyond their demons – they can’t. Now when I think of my beloved lost phone with so many great MUSE songs on them I don’t get upset – I just have to be more cautious around people and vigilant about who I trust. The last thing I want is to become cynical…

posted by auriol in human nature and have Comment (1)