You’re trying to kill me!” I screamed. “No, Mummy, what if there is a flood or a Tsunami? You need to learn to swim! Now let go!” At first we both laughed so much. She was teaching and I was resisting. Eventually things snapped into place and when it did …a remembrance, an epiphany, washed over me.
I was transported back to our first home inWoodstock. There was something about that looming flat mountain, the swirling clouds rushing towards us and birds…the bladdy birds. The two of us would sit and watch in fascination as they navigated their way through the turbulent skies. We would do that for hours at a time. Just the two of us and those bladdy birds. While in the pool I was reminded of them and a thought struck me. All of nature exists in a state of perfect grace. There is no struggle to be, no fighting again. It is perfect, without fault and everything is as it should be.
After sharing a perfect day with my daughter I looked into my own life and the chaos I created. There are days when I have no grace, I realized. When I allow anger and ego to rule. That’s when all the colorful swear words escape and phrases such as revenge, payback and “kill that bitch” creep into my mind. It’s not always to escape my Scorpio energy…
I know that life will throw things at me, and that I won’t always be graceful about it. There will be days when anger and grief gets the better of me, when I cannot get out of bed and have no faith in myself or those around me. I also know, and this is especially important, that those days will pass. It has taken a long time for me to accept that I, just like everyone around me, am only human. People cannot give what they do not have. All I can do remain grounded and love as best and hard as I can….and write a song about all the times I failed!
My daughter, I realized, is a reminder of that grace. She isn’t perfect, trust me. She is volatile, opinionated and proud…but her heart is as big and open as the perfect blue sky. My day ended with the two of us lying on a couch, watching tv and talking crap. She shared all the Days-Of-Our-Lives drama at her school while I just laughed and offered my 34 cents, when asked. I then shared some insights in my life – about people and music. “Just stop talking about Ben Harper Mummy!” I wanted to point out that I only did that to annoy her – but opted not too. Teasing her is just way too much fun!
“Like any other gift, the gift of grace can be yours only if you’ll reach out and take it. Maybe being able to reach out and take it is a gift too.”